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"I have cancer, cancer does not have me."

CancerJasmine LopezComment

Please share your story:

Hello! My name is Nicole Munoz and I am 24 years old. Recently, I have become a two-time cancer survivor. First I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, stage 3B, in January 2009 when I was 16 years old. It all began with chest pains that increased, later to find a tumor the size of a fist in my chest. After 3 rounds of intensive chemotherapy and 28 sessions of radiation, I became cancer free in June 2009. I missed the second semester of my junior year of high school, but kept up as much as I could. When my friends were prepping for the ACT’S and thinking about college, I was hoping I could have a day without feeling terrible.

Since then, I graduated high school with honors and went to college. I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Clinical/Counseling Psychology in May 2014 with honors at Saint Xavier University. I also minored in Sociology. I worked in the disability field, working with both adults and children in the school setting and home setting. My last job was working as a Behavioral Health Specialist at Timberline Knolls Residential Treatment Center for women with misc. disorders and addictions.

In late August/early September 2015, I noticed my stomach was extending and it was uncomfortable when I would lie down. When I would touch my lower stomach, it was very hard. I assumed it was some weight gain because I had to eat dinner in the diner at my last job with the residents and my activity level went down having to work 2nd shift. I decided to see my gynecologist just to make sure everything was okay.

I went to see her in late September 2015. After an internal exam, and feeling the hardness of my stomach, she told me I was 5 and ½ months pregnant. I was at a loss of words because I was on birth control, I had no pregnancy symptoms, and I was told conceiving a child could be difficult from my previous treatment for the Lymphoma. She sent me to get an ultrasound later that day to see my baby. I was 23 and pregnant, my life felt like it was turned upside down, but I also felt happy and like a miracle happened.

Unfortunately when we went to the ultrasound, there was no baby. Instead, a large mass was found that I later found out by a gynecological oncologist was attached to my uterus, bowel, and bladder. It expanded my cervix, and that is why it looked like a woman who is that far along in their pregnancy. In order to safely remove the tumor to diagnose it, I had to undergo a total hysterectomy on October 2nd, 2015. We had hopes of being able to save my ovaries to use a surrogate down the road, but we did not have the time to freeze eggs because of how rapidly the tumor was growing. The chance of ever having my own child was taken away from me at the young age of 23. I went into this surgery also hoping the tumor did not break and spread throughout my body, if in fact it was cancer. Thankfully, we were able to get the tumor out in one piece.

Unfortunately on October 9th, 2015, I was diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma in my uterus and pelvis after being cancer free for a little over 6 years. This was not a secondary cancer to the Lymphoma, but a primary cancer that happened suddenly and out of nowhere. This is also a rare placement for Ewing’s Sarcoma; my doctors could not find literature on a case like mine going back 50 years. It was so rare that a medical journal was written on my case. I come from a town that was known to have contaminated water for over 20 years, resulting in many of the residents getting cancer. From the details of my illnesses, it looks as if these environmental factors played a role in developing these cancers.

Treatment for the Sarcoma called for 17 rounds of chemotherapy that took about a year to complete. I began my first treatment on October 26th, 2015 and each round of chemotherapy required a hospital admission for constant fluid hydration. After 17 rounds and hospital admissions, some setbacks and extra admissions for fevers, and a sepsis scare, I became cancer free for the second time on October 3rd, 2016. Chemotherapy was very intense for me since this was my second cancer. This cancer was much different than the first. I was lucky enough to have a great team of doctors of many specialties to help with everything that affected me. Even though I am done with treatment, you do not go back to “normal” the day after. You go into recovery and that takes time, effort, and a lot of strength and energy. Each day I wake up I tell myself it gets better each day. Yes it hurts to walk and bend because all my muscles are recovering, but I know I have to work through the pain. I am on the road to recovery!

How has your story shaped who you are today?: 

My story has shaped me into a stronger, more appreciative person. I thank my cancer; although it caused pain and sadness, it also gave me courage, beauty, and appreciation for being alive. It helped me realize I have a purpose in this life and I want to help other young adults facing cancer.

What compelled you to share  your story on our blog?: 

I think my story can help other young adults with cancer as well as help me. Even though I am in remission, it still helps me when I find new outlets of support and make new relationships with others who simply get it.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?:

 For anybody newly diagnosed with cancer, let your emotions come out. Be sad, be angry, cry, do what you need to do. Then stand tall and say, “I have cancer, cancer does not have me.” That was my words to live by, and it is great to change it to “I HAD cancer, cancer NEVER had me.” Know that you have many support systems. Do your best to stay positive. Cancer changes your life, but make sure to have fun and try new things. For example, I would have never done a photo shoot until getting diagnosed again. You are going to be okay. Make yourself known. I am doing everything I can to get my name out there to spread awareness. You will hear more about me, I promise you! Remember, cancer does not have you!

Cancer Taught me a lot

CancerJasmine LopezComment

Please share your story: : 

Throughout my 20s I have always had difficulty calming my heartburn. I would chew tums like candy and usually always think nothing of it. We were out for my husband's birthday in January of 2016 when suddenly I felt the worst stomach pain of my life followed by immediate and intense heartburn. I had never felt this kind of pain before and attributed it to something I ate. I was in so much pain I finally went to go see my doctor who then recommended me to a GI specialist. After and endoscopy the doctor confirmed my worst fear; there was a tumor growing inside me where my esophagus meets my stomach; I in fact had esophageal cancer. I quickly underwent an esophajectomy, where now my stomach has been resectioned to be my new esophagus. Because the tumor had gone a little farther into my esophageal wall that they thought, they confirmed as a team I would need to under both chemo and radiation as a preventive measure. I was the youngest person ever to receive this surgery as most people diagnosed with this type of cancer are older me, and who frequently smoke. I never realized how much cancer would interrupt my life and effect both my body and my mind. I finally went into remission in December of 2016; best Christmas gift ever. I HATE cancer, but truthfully cancer did teach me a lot. I have learned to appreciate all the small victories in life such as waking up in the morning and finding the strength to make it throughout the day. I am fortunate to have a great family that never considered me a burden and fought over who could "sit" with me that day. Here I am one year later still cancer free never letting cancer tear me down.

How has your story shaped who you are today?: 

I have learned just how quickly your life can change in an instant. I went from being a care free 29 year old to be concerned that I won't live to see 30. I always thought disease would effect "old" people and went about my day care free. I wake up grateful that I am still around to enjoy the day and realize how precious each moment truly is. I have learned that not everyone is fortunate to have a wonderful and supportive support system and I am truly blessed to have these positive people around me. My life has changed because of this disease, but for the better. I watch closely what I eat, I learned who my true friends are, and most importantly I have restored my faith with God after many years of claiming I was "too busy" to give a hour back. I have learned that in this environment your attitude is the only thing you can control, you can let cancer have you or you can have cancer- the choice is yours.

What compelled you to share your story?: 

My story is no different than any other cancer survivor. People will always tell me "You're so strong," and I always say "Strong was the only option I had." When I learned to be more positive I realized that my mind felt "less heavy," I would attend chemo and radiation on schedule, but with open arms because I knew I couldn't avoid it. I realize that every person with this disease fights like hell to get well again, but not everyone make it to that finish line. I am simply grateful to be able to share my story with others in hopes one day we'll have a cure for all this.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?: 

Trust your body. If something doesn't feel right and you experience repeated symptoms GO GET IT CHECKED! You are not guaranteed a tomorrow, so if you're fighting this or have survived, know that you can do anything no matter how tough it may seem. There has to be a positive thought to every bad situation; that's how you stay ahead of this game. Always find the silver lining and keep your attitude positive in the worst of situations. You'll make it through.

Climbing the Mountain called Cancer

Cancer, ClickforhopeJasmine LopezComment

Please share your story: : It started early in the summer of 2016. I was breastfeeding my daughter, Savanna and I started to have some redness and hardness in my breast. She completely refused to go anywhere near that breast, so I knew something was off. Following my husbands request, I went to the doctor. I was diagnosed with mastitis. I was given antibiotics and was sent on my way. This went on for a couple of months. Nothing was making it better, if anything, it was getting worse. My doctor then sent me to a surgeon-thinking there was a blockage or something that might need to be taken care of. After a couple weeks under his care, and a negative ultrasound, he said, "it should be better by now, we need to do a biopsy." In this middle of all of this craziness, I did a bit of research. I came across something called Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I fell to the floor as I told my husband about it, everything that was written on it, just fit how I was feeling and my symptoms. It was Monday, September 19 when I was at work, anxiously waiting for the call from the doctor about the biopsy results. I looked at my TimeHop for the day, and realized that 2 years ago on that date, we found out I was pregnant-after a year of trying. When I realized this, I knew the news wasn't going to be good. I felt like this was a sign from God that He sent me this baby girl to help me through what was about to happen in my life. I wanted the news to be good, but deep down, I just knew it wasn't. Then I got the call that confirmed it, "I'm sorry, it's not good news, it's cancer." I immediately called my husband hysterical, called my mom and left work to go be with my daughter and husband. The next couple of weeks were filled with appointments and scans, and they all seem to be a blur. It was the most absolute terrifying weeks of my life. My instincts were right, I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Anyone that searches this online knows that there is nothing good about it. The stats aren't good, the prognosis isn't good, it's just not good. Every time I talked to a doctor, the first thing I would say is, I just wanna watch my baby grow up. That's all I thought about and still is. I started chemo a couple weeks after the day of diagnosis. Chemo sucks. I have really great friends and family that helped with so much during this time. I didn't feel good enough or have the energy to do some everyday tasks and they all were there for me helping. The one constant is that fiery little red head of mine. No matter how I felt, no matter how much I wanted to stay in bed all day, I had to get up and take care of her. People couldn't be with me everyday and I didn't want them to be. Savanna kept me going, I call her my little life saver. I will never be able to explain to her what she did for me. I also dramatically changed my lifestyle. From the food I ate to the products I was putting on my body. I tried to have as little stress in my life that I could. I finished chemo on January 18 and was so relieved for that chapter to be over. After the 2 chemo sessions, I really saw changes in my breast, by the end, my doctor couldn't tell that anything was ever there. It was back to 'normal', but it still had to go. I had surgery on March 1, a double mastectomy with lymph node removal and I chose not to get reconstruction. I'm so grateful to say that the cancer treatment worked. I had a PET scan before surgery that came back clear, and the pathology report from surgery came back with a complete pathological response. Hallelujah! I still have to do radiation as part of the IBC treatment protocol. I am prepping to start that next month. I have learned so much through this and I feel like I'm a different person than I was 6 months ago. I have a new outlook on life. I hate cancer, but I love what it did for me and my life. I will continue to live as healthy of a lifestyle that I can so I can do what I can to prevent this from ever coming back. Take that cancer!

How has your story shaped who you are today?: I'm a different person. I physically don't recognize the woman in the mirror, bald and boobless, but I really don't recognize WHO I am. I don't want to be the same person I was before cancer, I want to be better. When faced with your own mortality, you think very deeply about life. I appreciate everyone in my life so much more now. I'm so grateful to be alive and I never want to take advantage of being so ever again. I want to live life to the fullest. And I will.

What compelled you to share your story with us?: I was at the Beautiful event last weekend and was so inspired with all the women there to support one another. It's incredible what we can do if we all just work together and be there for one another.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?: You got this! Don't doubt yourself, ever. You can do this and you will do this. It's ok to be scared, cancer is a large mountain to climb but you can do it! And you ARE beautiful, even when you don't feel so.

Hope 25's Beautiful Event

Cancer, Clickforhope, Pop-up ShopJasmine LopezComment
clickforhope | chicago breast cancer survivor_1031.jpg

It was such an honor getting to be a part of Hope 25's Beautiful Event. Not only was it CLICK FOR HOPE's first pop-up shop where we raised money for Breast Cancer Awareness, but we are able to photograph 12 survivors! Aren't they beautiful?!?  I'll be sharing some of their stories over the next few days. It was such a blast getting to do a mini shoot of each of them!!!

And here's a little sneak peek at our new Spring Collection! I can't wait to share more with you!!!

A Time to Mourn

Cancer, Loss, Breast CancerJasmine Lopez1 Comment

I had the opportunity to meet Jennifer last September, and she was such a delight. Can you share a little more of who she was to you? What was her personality, motherhood, wifehood, etc. like?

It sounds cliche, but Jennifer was my everything. Jennifer and I have been together for my entire adult life. We met around our second week at U. of I. and started dating soon after. When we first met, I was a kid trying to reintroduce myself to the world. I was loud but timid, outgoing but private, passionate and unfocused. Jennifer was the complete opposite. She knew exactly what she wanted and had the drive to make it happen. As soon as I met Jennifer it became very apparent that she was exactly what I wanted out of life. Jennifer was this incredibly brilliant woman, who's intellect was only matched by her genuine compassion for others. More importantly, she understood and accepted me for who I was and who she knew I would become. In every practical sense, we grew into adults, side by side. We were both each others' biggest cheerleaders and critics. From teenager to adult, from marriage to motherhood, in every stage of life I saw something new in Jennifer that made me love her even more. As a wife, it was as if we were Co-CEO's of our family. It just felt right coming home and having her there to hug and kiss, talk about our days, and make future plans. As a mother, I'm not sure words can accurately describe the level of love, care, strength, and emotion that arose from Jennifer. The most important thing in her life was Deacon. She planned, scheduled, organized, and guided his life until she couldn't. But even at that point, the footprint that she left behind continues to make an impact on his development. If there is one thing I can say that people may not know about Jenny was that what people saw of her and in her was not an act. Jennifer was an incredibly multifaceted woman with strength, intelligence, beauty, and compassion but also experienced weakness, sadness, regret, and pain. She was human with all of the strengths and flaws that everyone experiences.

What were the final weeks like when she decided that she would no longer do treatment? 

They were mixed with some of the most complicated emotions that I've ever felt. It will be something I will treasure, something I will never forget. The best way that I can describe the final weeks would be to imagine a seemingly endless whirlwind of happiness, sadness, frustration, joy, angst, and gratefulness. We spent just about every moment, that I could fit in, by each other's side. Jennifer and I couldn't change the diagnosis. We couldn't cure cancer. We couldn't control the when, why, or how. We couldn't control the ways in which cancer rapidly spreading quickly changed her way of life. All we could do was make the best attempt at happiness. In many ways, things went back to normal, or a resemblance of normal. During the final weeks, Jenny still did homework for her PhD program. Deacon went to school. We watched TV, ordered out, we talked, we laughed, we cried. Family and a few friends visited. Jenny had quite a few girls nights. I won't sugar coat how utterly frustrating it was at times. But as we always did, I had her back and she had mine. One day I told her, that my body was hers, whatever she couldn't do, she had me. But at the same time, she kept me strong. One day, I was frustrated with everything, I couldn't get the day to go correctly. She didn't say much by this time, but unprompted, she looked at me and in her calm Jenny voice, she told me I was doing a good job. It was everything I needed to hear, and even with what she was going through, she still kept me from falling. So as heartbreaking as our final weeks were together, it was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I could have lived in those weeks forever.

clickforhope | chicago story teller mourning_1035.jpg

What does "grieving" mean to you?

This is a hard question to answer. As strange as this sounds, I'm not sure I exactly know what grieving is. As one would expect, earlier on my grief came in the form of tears, sadness, and disbelief. But those moments don't really describe how I've felt over the past few months. The best way to describe what grieving means to me is the feeling of "being off". It's like I'm navigating through life trying to get my footing on shaky ground. I'm less consumed with sadness or depression, I'm not sure if my personality allows me to sit in those mental states for very long. Instead, what I'm left with is a feeling of void that I can't quite explain. So maybe it's less about what grief means to me and more about how my mind has chosen to deal with it. Either way, my hope is that the grieving process will get better as I find my balance again. Until then, I'll just keep pushing forward.

What's been your source of courage and strength during this season?

My wife and my son. The explicit promise that I made to my wife is that I would be okay, and the implicit promise that I made to my son is that I will always be there for him. I've never broken a promise to Jennifer, and I have no plans on starting now. Living with cancer is hard and my wife made the best attempt at life, the least I can do is match her will.

I noticed you started a Facebook Page in honor of Jennifer, can you share more with what you are hoping to do with it?

Jennifer was more than a woman with breast cancer. She had breast cancer for about three of the 33 years on Earth. Even when she was diagnosed, she went on being a mother, wife, friend, daughter, sibling, aunt, teacher, student, and scholar. Jennifer and I had so many conversations about her passions in life. My goal is to make sure that these things are never forgotten. That people remember her less by how she died, and more for how she lived. I'm going to use every medium I can possibly think of to push forward her memory and advance the causes that she was passionate about. I'm currently working on a few projects, including a website called, that will help me properly memorialize her legacy. Whether it takes me months, years, or the rest of my life, that is what I plan on doing. That brings me happiness.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who has recently lost a loved one to cancer?

Eventually, the pain slowly fades and what it's replaced with is beautiful memories. Jenny would always say, no one loses a battle to cancer. As if trying harder would have provided a different result. When it comes to cancer, it's not the ultimate outcome that defines success. Success is defined by who that person was, and how they lived; no different than anyone still blessed to be breathing right now. What helps me is that through the loneliness, I'm never really alone. For anyone who has recently lost anyone to cancer, know that you are not alone.

To read Jennifer's story click here:

CanPlan is Changing the World

Inspiring Business, Cancer, Clickforhope, Inspiring FriendsJasmine Lopez3 Comments

Please share your story: : Aloha! My name is Sharon Kim and I’m just one 25 year old determined to change the way people fight cancer. Why am I spending all my days working to create awareness when the rest of society is pressuring me with bills and expectations? Because I know how much of a pain in the ass cancer can be. I know what it feels like to be lost and confused about all the medical jargons and regimes. And I don’t want anyone to have to go through what my family and I went through.

When my mom was first diagnosed with uterine sarcoma cancer back in 2014, I had no idea what the word cancer even really meant. I’ve heard it thrown around in conversations, but it’s just one of those things you don’t think you’ll ever have to come face to face with (millennial thinking I guess). I figured cancer was just a glitch in the road for my mom and she’d make it through to inspire others with her story, which is why I filmed the entire journey (You can watch the tear-jerking video at the end of this post). Well little did I know how naive my mentality was when I was thrown head first into the world of cancer, unarmed and unprepared. Right after her diagnosis, she went straight to surgery and then straight into an intensive round of chemotherapy. Everything was happening so fast that it felt like we had no other choice but to go with it. What made the whole experience even more nerve-wrecking was that we felt so distant from her oncologist. We were constantly waiting on him to give us answers or to tell us what direction we needed to go in, but it always felt like we’d walk out of her appointments empty-handed. Long story short, she successfully got through chemotherapy and we all thought this whole ordeal was over and done with... but boy were we wrong. The cancer came back three months later and it was so aggressive this time around, my mom was sent straight to hospice to pass peacefully. We got to spend another two blissful months with her, before she passed away a few days before my 23rd birthday.

Since then, I quit my full-time corporate job and decided that life is too short to work super hard for someone else's dream. I spent the next year of my life creating a revolutionary tool designed to guide patients and caregivers through the different stages of cancer. After I had my very first prototype of CanPlan, a planner made to help patients and caregivers fight cancer day by day, I set up a Kickstarter project to obtain enough funds to print the planners in bulk. Seven days before my campaign was set to end, I was 100% funded and ready to get CanPlan into the hands of those who need it the most. Since July 2016, I have been distributing CanPlan to families and hospitals all over the world. I've also overcome my fear of public speaking and have been actively sharing my story at various Relay for Life and Susan G Komen events across California. I also recently became a guest blogger for the Huffington Post.

If you'd like to watch my story in detail, here is the viral video I made that helped my Kickstarter campaign become a success:

How has your story shaped who you are today?: As you can see, the loss of my mom took a huge toll on me. So much so that I wasn’t satisfied with just telling people I lost my mom to cancer. I wanted there to be meaning. I wanted justification for her passing. The only way this wouldn’t feel like a loss is if I turned tragedy into inspiration and used my experience to help others facing the same ordeal. I wanted to give other fighters a chance to have a different end to their story. While I was going through all of this, I felt so alone. I had no idea where to turn to for resources or inspiration and I felt like I had no one to talk to about it all. Caregiving also took up 99% of my time, so I really had no energy or time to go looking for these resources. I wish I had an all in one tool that’d provide me with a roadmap for this journey. I wish I had a planner that’d show me what types of things I should be taking notes on, what I should be keeping track of and how to best utilize all this information. CanPlan does not only that, but it also provides daily reminders for positive thinking. It tunes you into the power of the mind and helps you to take action in the here and now and not dwell on the past or worry about the future. It is everything that I could’ve ever asked for while starting my journey with cancer, and I’m so excited to see the potential impact it’s going to make on the cancer community.

A little bit more about me?

Well, let’s just say that I’m a millennial looking to actually take action in making a positive social impact. I was born and raised on the beautiful island of Oahu and graduated with a BA in Psychology, Business Management & Communications from Santa Clara University. I’m your typical Asian nerd who cares more about my GPA than my relationship status. And yes, I do take pictures of my food. I was class clown in high school so you know I’ll throw in some jokes here and there. I’m very accepting of pity laughs. I’ve worked for various start-up companies in the Silicon Valley and I’ve always had an entrepreneurial mindset, but I’ve always struggled to find passion in what I was doing. Getting up each morning felt like a chore and I found myself constantly waiting for the next Friday or for the next paycheck. Unfortunately, I had to come to the lowest point in my life in order to figure out what it is I truly longed to do in this world. My mom had to die, so that I could finally start living… and that is the painful truth I use as fuel to motivate me to do what I do today. I want my story to teach people that they don’t have to wait until tragedy hits to start living a life of meaning and purpose. Don’t live just to live. Find what you love and let it kill you. Stay hungry and stay curious for it. Even if you have to try and fail a million times before you finally get it right…keep going because that’s far better than living with the guilt of all the “should haves” and “could haves”. Live the best life you possibly can and take action when it comes to your passions. It’s something you will never regret, I promise you.

What compelled you to want to share your story?: I hope my story is a beacon of light to anyone going through a difficult time. After my mom passed away, my dad got remarried one month later, my sister had a mental breakdown where she had to be hospitalized, my boyfriend was abusive both physically and emotionally, I was working in a very toxic environment, and I can't even remember how many times I've contemplated suicide. I had to challenge myself every single day to focus on the smallest pockets of positivity and I had to fight to become to person I am today. Every rejection in my life was a form of redirection and I had to have faith that God's plan for my life was way bigger than the plans I had for myself. I hope to encourage and inspire people with my story and my message.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?: I know, you’re scared. You’re probably absolutely terrified because you’re about to do something you never thought you’d do. You’re about to leave comfortability and embark on a journey to the unknown, relying on your own inner confidence and the support system around you to get you to finish line. You’re sacrificing not only your time and resources, but also your pride, which may be a big pill for you to swallow. All for what? The unnerving, unfulfilling answer of “maybe things will work out”. 

It’s this very idea of investing in the uncertain that stops you from chasing after your dreams. It’s the fear of judgement, the fear of leaving your safety net and the fear of the risks being greater than the rewards that makes you unpack your bags time and time again. Why are you holding on so tight to the things you’re comfortable with? Because you FEAR something so great won’t happen twice. You FEAR the disappointment that might result from the gamble. You FEAR the thought of failure.

I was right there at the starting line with you about a year ago, and let me tell you..the journey has been far from smooth. I’m averaging about 20 hours of sleep a week, I always need to make sacrifices when it comes to finances, my social life is pretty much nonexistent and the amount of times I’ve heard “no” is comparable to the amount of times Donald Trump has denied accusations against him. Every time I walk into a cafe, I’m overwhelmed with pity stares as if I’ve just survived a zombie apocalypse. It’s not flattering. It’s not pretty. And there have been so many times I’ve wanted to give up and race back to comfortability.

So what is it that gives fuel to a dream chaser? What is it that allows them to sustain the early stages of deprivation? Aside from cold hard passion, the answer is: Fear (Oh and lots of SPF, which I’ll get to later). Now I know you may be thinking, “But didn’t you just say fear was the thing that STOPS people from dream chasing?” And the answer is yes. I live to confuse. But how you perceive and harness fear will be the determining factor that separates you from the ones who can’t seem to get their feet off the platform. Ever heard of the quote by Abraham Lincoln, “The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend?” Well, make fear your friend by using it as motivation rather than a deterrent.

Let me give you an example. After my mom passed away from cancer in 2014, I found myself spending lots of time at her graveyard. The souls of the deceased seemed to cling onto me as I wandered through the valley, painting images in my head of what their lives on earth were like. It was the words engraved on a rather dull looking tombstone that filled my heart with sadness. Words I knew I’d carry with me for the rest of my life. It read: “Regretting all the ships that never sailed”. 

Ever since that day, I was convinced that my biggest fear is living a life defined by the things I didn’t do. To go through the motions each day with no change and no improvements. To have a voice that won’t be heard. To have talents that don’t get utilized. Sure failure is scary...but it’s something I can pick myself up from. I mean, in the end maybe things won’t work out. But maybe figuring out if it does will be the best adventure ever? So from then, I told myself to just start. I made myself develop temporary tunnel vision so I could block out every single fear except for one: The fear of not living a life I was proud of.

I can’t really explain what happened next since everything happened so fast after that. I was smacked with blessing after blessing all because I was able to use that fear as the driving force for all my decisions. I guess you can also say red bull literally gave me wings since I drank it religiously to get me through the long nights. But the biggest lesson I learned from this was that starting is always the hardest part. An airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. And you can’t always wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. So start where you are because once you take flight, you never know where that wind might carry you.

So as I leave you to travel to your dream destination, I just want you to remember the three things that’ll guarantee your safe arrival: Sacrifice, perseverance and faith (SPF). You’re sacrificing who you once were to become who you want to be. You’re persevering despite your failures and doubts. And you’re learning to trust that every rejection is a form of redirection.

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When Cancer hits home (Part 2)

Cancer, Clickforhope, FamilyJasmine Lopez2 Comments

My journey with cancer begins in January of 2015 with a small red spot in the center of my chest.  I remember first seeing it after taking a shower.  Although odd I didn’t think much of it; I was young at only 35, a very active father of two children and considered myself to be in good health.  I thought little of it and went on with my busy life.  Over the next 4 months’ new spots started appearing and as the spots got larger I could feel lumps under the spots.  I was also losing weight and not sleeping well, although at the time I didn’t connect any of these issues together.  In April of 2015 I finally decided to make an appointment with my doctor.  
My primary physician referred me to a dermatologist who suggested a biopsy.  It was a simple procedure done right in the doctor’s office.  It was another couple of weeks before the results came back.  The doctor called on a Thursday afternoon while I was in the office; the results indicated I had a form of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  I was shocked, I had convinced myself that it was just a reaction to something or maybe calcium deposits which I’ve had in the past.  But no, I had Cancer.  
I needed to tell my wife, I wanted to tell her right away so she could tell me it would be okay and we’d get through this.  But the timing was horrible.  My Birthday and Mother’s Day fell back to back on the approaching weekend.  My wife had worked to make plans for my birthday and I the same for her on Mother’s Day.  This news would surely take all of the joy from our celebrations.  I decided to wait to tell her, or anybody else.  My wife tells me I should have told her, and she’s probably right, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything, the kids and Michelle were enjoying themselves so much.  It was a great weekend; my birthday went off without a hitch and Michelle had a wonderful relaxing Mother’s Day.  I even convinced my wife to get a hamster for our daughter from a local pet expo.  
On the following Monday I told my wife the results of the biopsy.  She was loving and supportive telling me what I already knew.  Together we can get through anything.  We decided not to say anything to the kids until we had to.  And managed to go through my entire treatment without ever saying the word Cancer to or in front of our children.

The next couple months were filled with more biopsies, tests and scans.  In the meantime, we began discussing treatment options with my doctors.  The two Oncologists I was seeing had a difference of opinion over the exact subtype of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma that I have.  It was suggested by one of the doctors that I try a “watch and wait” approach.  This approach made no sense to me.  I had been “watching” this cancer spread from my chest to my arms and back for 6 months now and it had been stressful.  I didn’t want to “wait” any longer, every morning I looked in the mirror and was reminded of the worries and uncertainty the future may hold.  I wanted to start fighting back now.  
The doctors told me there was no cure for my cancer and that my battle would be a lifelong one.  I was ready for the fight, I had my family’s support and a positive attitude.  Eventually more testing determined the exact subtype of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma that I had & I started Immunotherapy treatments in August of 2015.
I handled the treatments well and the side effects were tolerable.  I was extremely tired the day of treatment and for maybe a day or two following.  I continued to lose weight, at my lightest I weighed less than 130 lbs, and developed joint pain that got progressively worse as the treatments went on.  My legs get very restless as well.

The first couple of treatments were the most difficult.  Due to the potential for adverse reactions, the first infusions are done very slowly.  Unfortunately, I still developed a reaction to the treatment.  Shortly after the infusion began, I began to feel itchy and asked my wife if she could scratch my back.  She lifted my shirt and gasped, almost my entire upper body was covered in huge, red hives.   They stopped the infusion immediately and switched over to IV antihistamine to treat the reaction.  Once everything seemed under control they began the immunotherapy infusion again at a slower rate, taking more than eight hours to complete the first treatment.  Treatment days continued to be an all-day affair but they were able to control the reactions during the remainder of the treatments.  
At the end of my treatments I was feeling great.  I even felt a bit lucky, the side effects weren’t horrible, the small tumors had faded away and the large ones were getting smaller every day.  I hadn’t lost my hair or had to undergo any surgeries.  At my appointment a couple weeks following treatment I even heard the words every cancer patient hopes for.  Remission.  Well Partial Remission for me, but I’ll take it.  The tumors had mostly gone away and I was happy, life was good.  My Wife and I with our two wonderful children were ready for move on with our lives.  But we were in for another shock…
In February of 2016 my wife was diagnosed with Stage 2B Breast Cancer.  My wife’s cancer was more aggressive than mine and treatment started very quickly.  In March my wife had bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction.  After healing from surgery she began chemotherapy, and following chemotherapy, she underwent radiation which she just finished this past month.  My wife is the most amazing person I have ever known.  All throughout my treatments she took care of me and our family.  And all though her own cancer treatments, she still took care of our family.  My wife is an an amazing mom, wonderful wife and my best friend.  

As if that weren’t all enough, in June my cancer unfortunately relapsed.  After new tests and scans my doctors believe the same cancer has returned.  This wasn’t completely unexpected; my wife and I were prepared for this possibility.  
My treatment will be similar this time, but much longer.  I am currently undergoing treatment every week in an effort to stop and shrink the current tumor growth.  After which I will continue to receive treatments every other month for the next 3 years and we’ll reassess at that point.
In spite of it all, we’re still as strong and positive as ever.  Cancer has been hard on our family but it has made us stronger and for that we are grateful.

When Cancer hits home (Part 1)

Cancer, Family, Marriage, Clickforhope, Breast CancerJasmine Lopez1 Comment
clickforhope give back cancer story

Please share your story:

Early last year my husband was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma.  As a family we were devastated.  We have two small children & a lot going on in our busy lives already, taking on cancer treatment was going to be a hefty task & we clearly worried about the impact it may have on our children.  Thankfully he handled treatment well with minimal side effects & we were able to get through without ever saying the dreaded “C” word to our kids who were two & four at the time.  He was in remission as of August of 2015 & we grew stronger from the process.  I believe now, that it was God’s way of preparing us for my cancer.

I noticed a lump in my left breast in November of 2015.  But after all that my family had just been through, I wanted them to get through the holidays stress free so I opted not to call my physician until January.  A decision I later worried may cost me my life.  In February I was diagnosed with Stage 2B Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  My surgeon estimated the tumor had been growing for approximately two years & treatment needed to start ASAP.  


I had bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction (tram flap) in March.  I did 8 rounds of chemotherapy, starting in April & completed that in August.  Following chemo, I completed 33 rounds of radiation.  I’ll be on hormone therapy for ten years going forward & have one surgery remaining to complete reconstruction which I am safely waiting until next year to tackle.

Meanwhile, while I was going through chemo my husband became concerned that his lymphoma may be returning. Seriously, right??  Following some tests, his doctors confirmed that he had relapsed or possibly the cancer was never fully gone in the first place as we had thought.  He began treatment again this month (Oct) & will continue treatment for the next three years. 

It’s been a crazy long road & certainly a lot more than we had ever anticipated when it all began last year.  Cancer has given us a plethora of challenges, but it’s made us stronger & we appreciate life & one another now more than ever.  Most would consider us unlucky to both have gotten cancer, we would say that we’re blessed to have one another for support as we face these battles together.

 How has your story shaped who you are today?:

It's changed my life completely! I don't spend time now worrying about the future or things I can't change, it's wasted energy. Instead I focus on today & making it the best it can be. My focus is on positivity & the things that I can work to change for the better. 

 What compelled you to share your story on our blog?: 

Through it all my focus has been to remain positive.  I was encouraged by my friends, family & even my physicians to share my story, so I started a website, It's been amazing so far & I've had so many people reach out to me personally through the blog & Instagram. It's just so wonderful to take something so terrible & make something positive out of it. Stress is an ugly thing that can really slow down our body’s healing process, so it important to train ourselves to focus on positivity. I also really believe that if we look our best, we feel our best. Feeling our best is so important through cancer treatment because it allows our bodies to fight that much harder!  I would love to help continue to spread the word about my site & help more fellow cancer warriors out there as they make their way through this journey.

 What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?:

Take it all one day at a time, one question at a time. Be strong & positive, don't let worries or negative thoughts take your strength!

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When Cancer Comes Back

Cancer, Clickforhope, Depression, LossJasmine LopezComment
“I thought that the fight with cancer had ended, but now I have it again. This time it is in my stomach.”
— Ruth

I thought my life was going to be simple: get married, have kids, and live a happy life. Little did I know, life would be scary and complicated. In 2014, I would receive an unexpected cancer diagnosis.       

In 2010 when I first began having abdominal pain, I visited the doctor's office. I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter, Leilanie and that I had stones in my gallbladder. Doctors couldn't operate on me until my daughter was delivered. Due to complications with my gallbladder and the baby, my daughter had to be delivered prematurely.

In March 11, 2011, my daughter was delivered via C-section. Soon after Leilanie was born, I had a pregnancy complication known as “Preeclampsia.” I almost died, but (thank God) survived and was blessed with my beautiful and healthy little baby weighing three pounds and three ounces.

After having my daughter, my abdominal pain worsened. One month following this pain, doctors were finally able to operate on me for the gallbladder. After the surgery, my life was back to normal.  I would feel the pain here and there, but it was tolerable.  

In December of that year, the pain worsened, and by the time New Years came, I made my appointment to see the doctor again.  They weren't able to figure out the root of the problem even after numerous examinations and tests.  This time seeing the doctor was less stressful though because my boyfriend, Joe (now husband) was there by my side.

In February of 2014, I found out that I was pregnant again. I was so excited knowing that my daughter might have a baby brother or sister, but I was also scared since I was still dealing with the abdominal pain. I prayed for God to help me, to heal my pain, and for things to be okay with the baby. At the end of March, I started spotting.  There was nothing scarier in this world than knowing I could lose my baby. I prayed to God to let everything be okay. April came and sadness came right behind it, I lost the baby due to a miscarriage.

If that wasn't enough, I still felt abdominal pain. In May, I decided to go to Rush Hospital to see if they might be able to understand the problem. It started with going to the emergency room.  After several examinations and tests, doctors came to give the worst news of my life: the pain was due to cancer.

I couldn't believe it. I didn't know how to process it. I was in denial. I could remember desperately crying and asking God if this could be true. I don't remember how many times I asked Joe and my mother why all these things were happening to me. This became the beginning of a long process, where I needed to gather all the strength in the world.


I decided to go to Northwestern Hospital to get a second opinion on my diagnosis. The doctor at Northwestern confirmed that it was cancer, but they couldn't figure out what type it was. From May to November, my life was exams and needles. Finally, a doctor called and asked me to come in. It was three days before Thanksgiving and I found out I had stage three colon cancer. My heart dropped.

I was given chemo pills for about six weeks. Then they changed my chemo pill to a stronger one named Capecitabinr (Xeloda,) my mind was out of it. The doctor kept talking and I didn't even hear one word. Tears began streaming down my face. I could not believe I had cancer. The doctor called my name to get my attention. I replied back with,  “Am I going to be okay? I have a daughter and family.”

He replied, “You know we will do everything that we can. Colon cancer is the second highest form of cancer that kills people.” My heart was numb. 

I felt numb.

Treatment began soon after with IV infusion chemotherapy. I got really sick from time to time.  I had multiple X-rays, cat scans and numerous colonoscopies throughout the treatment as well.  As time passed, I had family, friends and many churches pray for me.  I have to say this was the hardest time of my life. I felt lost and lonely at times, even if family was near me.

In 2015, I fought like never before. One year later, I became a colon cancer survivor. I was extremely excited, blessed and honored to know God healed me. I held a party to celebrate. After all, I didn't know that this road was going to be so long.

One month after my survival party, I had to return for a doctor's appointment. I will never forget this day. I walked into the office and my nurse gave me a hug.  She asked how I was feeling. I said, “Great! I'm extremely happy that I'm done and don't have to return back.”   She just smiled and said, “We love you Ruth. You are a true fighter.”

I was placed in my room to wait for my doctor after that. I heard a knock and told the doctor to come in. My doctor entered followed by another doctor behind him and my nurse. I had a smile on my face that didn't last long.  “Well, Ruth we have an issue.  We found cancer in your stomach and must start you on chemotherapy once again. The X-rays we took show that it's next to your liver.” my doctor told me.

I felt stuck. I was pale as a ghost and started to sweat from all the nerves and anger building inside me.  I couldn't understand why this was happening to me.

I thought that the fight with cancer had ended, but now I have it again. This time it is in my stomach.

I couldn't understand. I stumbled on words as my brain just sort of shut down on me. All I could think of was my daughter and family. I didn't know what to say or think, so I lifted my head up and said, “Lord you got me right?!? Please don't abandon me; please heal me.”

I have to say that winning one cancer battle was such a joy; finding out I have it again has been a struggle.  Yet, I know that God healed me the first time and He will do it again. I have faith and I believe.

 "Never, never, never give up." This quote has been my encouragement. Waking up everyday and fighting cancer to become a survivor. I repeat these words and gather strength. with the help of God...I will succeed!    

I want to encourage others who are struggling with a sickness to keep fighting even if seems too hard. Know God is in control. You got this! Always have faith and pray at all times.  Always keep a positive attitude and know to never, never, never give up.