It's crazy to think it's been 10yrs of marriage, plus 5yrs of dating. I met Jeremy when I was 17 at his mom's wedding. How I got to his mom's backyard hawaiian themed wedding baffles me, but looking back it's so cool to see how God connects the dots. I had just come back from Israel, which was yet another life changing experience for me. I was staying with a friend for the weekend, and her dad was officiating the wedding. I was a new budding photographer so I carried my camera with me everywhere and before I knew it, I was being handed film and told to photograph the wedding. Talk about pressure!
I vowed to never photograph a wedding again haha! If you know anything about me, I've been a portrait and wedding photographer for the last 7yrs. So I guess it was meant to be.
Anyways back to my marriage story.
We had no positive example of marriage but knew deep down inside that marriage is a covenant never to be broken. What we weren't prepared for was the everyday life of marriage. The constant renewal of "today I chose to be committed and the best version of me." I mean we were in our twenties and barely knew who we were.
For the first 7yrs of marriage I tried everything I could to change him. I thought I could make him better, but when I didn't see results I started blaming and holding resentment towards him. On top of that, all the loss we had experienced: a baby, a house, all of our possessions due to a flood and mold, a failed attempt being self employed, hopeless dreams, our community, our friends it grew weary on us, and I only allowed it to fester and grow us further apart.
Then there was a day, that day we both said we were done. We were tired of the married life, constantly fighting, and unforgiveness was the driving force. Prayer meeting after prayer meeting, I kept hearing that I had to forgive. In order to see change, I had to first be the change. It didn't sound fair, "Why me?" as I had a tantrum with God. It wasn't right. So slowly I began to allow God to soften my heart. Baby step after baby step, I asked God to change my heart. To help me to fall in love with my hubby all over again. For the new person he was. Not for who he was then, or for all the things I charged him with. As I changed, he changed. As I loved more, he loved me more. As I humbled myself, he humbled himself.
We've learned how to fight well, we've set healthy boundaries. We've learned to forgive quickly. To approach each other with curiosity verses assumption. We've learned to reset when old patterns seek to come back.
It hasn't been easy by any means, but I'm now in a season where I'm passionate about wifehood. I don't want to be soley focused on motherhood that I lose my identity as a wife. I desire to learn and seek what it means to be a wife who serves and loves her husband with her whole heart.